BY ZYANYA
I can’t live with you, I can’t live without you; I hate you and I love you; if you don’t be mine, you won’t be of anyone; don’t leave me because I’m going to kill you, don’t leave me because I’m going to kill myself. Better I kill you, and after, I kill myself because I love you until death.
Engagement is a romantic period, the first cares, the first illusion, the first kiss, the first love, but in many occasions this love is converted in: “the first beating”
Everything starts with a little push, pinch, prohibition, mental manipulation, bad comments about your couple, or maybe one bite disguised of affection. Statistics show persons that are being victims of violence in the engagement, that’s for sure they are going to be victims of domestic violence. From 100 interviewed women, in a survey made of Instituto de las Mujeres (in México), 30% did not answer the survey, 16% said that in their relations with their couples exists shouts, insults and even beats, 15% said had been touched in their body without consent and they were pushed to keep sexual relations, 50% suffered jealous attack from their couples, and finished in physical aggressions.
In my opinion, young people see the violence like a normal thing, and do not recognize that consequences can be terrible, for example: scholar desertion, low self esteem, low academic grades, and absence of pleasure, eating disorders, physical or verbal aggressions, emotional instability, early pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and even suicides.
When we observed a young couple, we figured out that the hormones, “a miracle of nature”, are working 100% and seem impossible that a moment of violence can be present any time; however, it’s enough that one of the couple looks another person because something attracts his/her attention, then the other turned violent. The basic instinct appears immediately and the person starts beating his/her couple, saying insults, remembering the mother from the other and each member of the family. If this conducts is repeated constantly the aggressions will be worst every day.
According to some psychologists, after the 15 years old, adolescents start to be independent from their parents and they try out many behaviors until they found their own identity.
But, what did they learn in home? If their parents loved to each other, and they were always fighting and beating in front of their children, the children are going to copy these conduct model and they will be like their parents were, in the adolescence. They start practicing this conduct model with their couple. They will learn that love is not enough and it is necessary beat your couple in each discussion.
It is very common listen some parents saying: “I beat you because I love you” and some mothers say: “you deserved the beating, your husband got angry because of you”.
Some mothers are responsible for transmitted values and educating their children like machos, and give them power over the women. “My dear son, you are the man, you have the first and the last word, only you and always you”. “My dear daughter, you have to be tolerant with your husband because he is the man, if he beats you don’t complain that’s the life you have to live”. “Nobody wants a divorced woman even if she has many children”.
I wonder, what happen with these mothers, what does love means to them? What are their values? How they were treating by their parents? Why did they make machos? Why don’t they teach to their children about the respect and tolerance, not only for the women but all persons?
There are many types of violence that you have to take under consideration.
Physical violence
This is an aggression with a part of the body or with an object, gun or substance, with the aim of harm or even kill someone.
Verbal violence
Shouts, bad words, humiliations, threats, offenses, and words or phrases that can be offended you.
Psychoemotional violence
Coercion, prohibitions, conditions, intimidation, and threats with the aim of harm someone.
Economic violence
This is a delicate way to control someone. The person doesn’t give enough money to his/her couple to keep the couple with him/her.
Sexual violence
Unwanted sexual intercourse, painful sexual intercourse, touching genitals without expressed permission, oral, anus or vaginal penetration without expressed permission, are some characteristics of the sexual violence.
You are not alone! There is always a person next to you to help you! You can contact your parents, teachers, or any person you can trust, but never remain in silence.
“Protect yourself and denounce any kind of violence”.
Written by ZYANYA
Consulted web pages:
http://www.inmujer.df.gob.mx/
http://www.jornada.unam.mx/
http://www.laneta.apc.org/cgi-bin/
